Pretentions

i'll try to pretend that i've been doing this constantly.

I got a job in a small but cool internet cafe here and im here as a cafe person.(there's something redundant there isn't it?) It's a nice job plus I can get online whenever I want.I'm back to my good 'ol days of endless surfing and downloading.(my boss doesn't know that of course)

Been busy with attending customers and after they are gone, I can fire up my Limewire and it's song galore.Sometimes, I even get stumped that I ask my friends for list of songs.That's another good thing, my homesickness is a little aided with constant chat with them.Sentimentality will be my downfall.

With the part that I can download songs I want, it led me back to my hopeless romantic / melodramatic alter ego.This may sound wierd but i miss it.i really do.Without knowing, i was getting songs by matchbox 20, Barry manilow, gabrielle, MYMP and other singers who have a common theme.It tapped something in me that was sleeping for quite sometime.I mean, i still have my Love back at home but here, i have my own - sentimentality.It cures my pain of being far from the person that gives me joy and love.I know what you're thinking, "what a nut job." I tell yah, ur right but it works for me.Hurt, disappointment, hopelessness and emotional pain has been a part of me for quite some time.It defines me now even in my adult life.

I just want to say this for people that can relate to this ubsurd story, keep your pain.Keep it.We can keep holding on to love and happiness but it won't be there whenever u want.Pain can.If ever u need to reach a place that makes u feel human.Makes you feel sane and balanced.. reach out and tap it.It won't fail you.Trust me.

Sometimes pretentions are real because we make them real.

Till next time.