a rock and a hard place

My desire to come home has cranked up a notch today. Again, I dragged up the nonsensical process of weighing the pros and cons of doing it. Let me bore you.

Pros:

• get to see my girlfriend (this has become a "Puddle of mud" song lately)
• see my parents
• see my grandma
• be with my bestfriends
• drink
• travel
• work where I know I'm making a difference
• see MYMP perform
• regain my english proficiency
• do poetry
• write
• be home

Cons:

• it'll cost me hard-earned money (both for plane and pasalubong.)
• i'll be giving up the chance of earning higher that home
• losing the edge(?) of going to countries I dream of.
• a sting on my pride
• some other matters with earning more mullah.

So summing up, the cons are more in a monetary light while my pros are personal. The sad thing these days is that money matters become part of one's personal ambitions. It goes hand-in-hand in building a future for one's self, or for his/her family.

Eversince I started working, I think even in college, money has never been an issue to me. Sure, I go broke more times that anyone in my age and status has been, but I learned to live with it. And live I did. It was such a magical time.

But now that I turned my back on my homeland in quest for greener pasteur, I somehow swam with the tide. I see myself putting aside my personal goals for... money. Although I shouldn't, I envy people who doesn't have to work for their own families. Who can save up for themselves. Plan marriage. Take a loan for a lot. Slowly build a house. Go on vacations. For me, I've ....

Why am I fucking whining?!?!