stilled memories (rant edition)

I believe I have blogged about the effects of pictures before. Well, I got time (translation: bored) to visit friendster and browse some pictures of some friends of mine. Haven't you felt, while looking at a picture, that you were part of that picture at that time. I can be that you're the one that took it, or it was part of the occassion it was taken from. And now, that same picture is posted on a website visited by millions. That others that see it have no idea that you were there. But YOU know. It doesn't matter that you're a thousand miles away now, the feeling is still the same.

That sad part is that some pictures take you to a time you don't actually enjoy remembering. A friend told me that time heals all wounds. That you can forget something that happened as your years go along. See, I have been adamant in subscribing to that. I mean, sure you don't have the same intensity as it was when it was actually happening, or a few days after it happened for that matter, but there still is. A throb in your heart. Some winged insects scattering in your intestines. There's no denying it especially to yourself. But social pressure forces you to drown them in nonchanlance and smiles.

Whatever happened to us, happened. That's it. It cannot be erased on your memory nor others'. You can dismiss it for a few minutes but if it came back to tap you on your shoulder when you're alone, try and be real. I see no harm in it. It could not be a picture. I could be a song. A book. An expression. Food. Phone... The list is endless. Time can help you weaken it but totally vanguishing it, that's something I have yet to see.

If you can't be true with people, try and be true to yourself. There's really no harm in it. You're not hugging, nor hogging it. It's just acceptance that a simple thing can make you travel to another place, ambiance and sentimentality along, without lifting a toe.

a difference

i've been doing this blogging thing for quite a while... hmm, i think i already said that before. But I have to admit, most of the entries i have here are just whimsical thoughts i had back then. The others are from pure, unadulterated sentimentalities. here's one.

I have managed to drop into a place I have not been to in a while. Based on choice. Its funny how we get ourselves in these situations that we really despise. I am not too proud of my past. I have made some mistakes I now loath myself making. It's beautiful how we change. How we transcend from an old habit, personality or thinking into a new, apparently better one. Like a snake changing skin. But even then, i still belive that there's a part in us that doesn't go.Or cannot let go for that matter. It's the one thing that makes us different. Unique. Whatever.

A very good friend of mine just broke up with her girlfriend. Well, girlfriend is still an overstatement. He fantasized this girl for like, ever. I was fortunate enough to be with him while he continiously pours his heart to me. We were brothers. Brothers in hopelesness and melodrama. Heaven came down on him the day the girl finally gave her a chance. To move from the realms of friendship to wherever it will go. He was happy for like a day. He started doubting if the future would be bright. If there's any future at all for them. Cutting it short, they just called it quits. My friend emailed me and told me he should have made a bet with me about the relationship or lack thereof, would not last. I knew he's just a tad angry that time but he did admit he was in pain. I was friends with both of them that's why the girl also talked to me about everything. She said she feels bad. Of course she did! But what makes it different is why does she feel bad. If its just because she knows my friend is now sulking and sad, that's a moo point. And I hate that.

First of all, I understand my friend's doubt on the relationship's future. When you've been wanting and waiting for something for so long, there's a hidden pressure that starts building up. that you place it on a pedestal you actually find yourself forgetting what to do when you get it. You panick and you become anxious. Then doubt ushers itself in.

I don't consider myself an expert on relationship. Neither experts too. But because we've been through a lot of shit in our lives, we learn the usual pitfalls. Not that relationships have a certain distinct pattern but, its so complex, that you just go around circles. A labyrinth of intricate directions and you still go out the same exit.

Never regret mistakes. Its not learning from them that we should.

Didn't make any sense huh? hehehe.. that's my talent.