dream, dream, dream..

Dreamless sleep. That's usually what I have. That's why I'm always in a different "waking" mood when I dreams. But the past couple of days I've been having dreams. Weird ones. I know what you're thinking - they usually are. But some dreams are reflected in some day to day activities or past experiences you had. But mine are beyond those. I wish I can describe one for you but, sadly, I only have bits and pieces of them. Although, I can say that they have a common theme - butterflies in the stomach. It has been a while since I had those in a conscious state. I guess the last time I had them was when I saw my girlfriend come out from the arrival door at the airport when she came here. I can't remember when I was more excited to see her than that. Sadly, that may not happen again. She went home for a chance to work in another, greener country than where I am. It broke my heart but I had to respect her decision. I went to hell and back to get her here and I made it known to her that I'd do it again if she wants to come back here. She may not though. I was lost after that thought sinked in me. Guess I'm not as strong as I thought. I'm re-aligning my priorities to fit that fate.

Today is our 35th-month anniversary and in a month, we'll be 3 years. A solid foundation you might say. I plan to settle down. Yes, I am. Although, there are times in the day that I'm thinking about our relationship. If I was too giving. If I'm patterning my life to fit hers. Not ours. If I am so numbly afraid to screw it up and lose her. Hell and back... hmm. It may as well be my seasonal trip.

Dreams. Butterflies in the stomach. Airport. Settling down. Hell and back.

Life.