imprompt!

Curious. Unerving.
My eyes cry for rest.
an expected place
unexpected ties
I cursed as i saw it best.

Please, tie your nots
do sing your vows for them
I was just passing through
brother, to think i knew
the link was too thin from them

why forget me brother? why?
you saw what i plea!
i trusted we were deep
our own secrets to keep
why then drink with the enemy?

continue believing innocence
it's your sick way of deliverance

3 years in the making...

I was rummaging my email and I came accross one that was 3 years old. It was a request from a good friend of mine that I wasn't able to do.I hate not keeping promises. So sis, I owe you a long overdue apology and I hope these can make up for it. Enjoy!

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2U3HKITC

it's been a while..

I was watching TV and out of nowhere, I started thinking of a book a good friend lent me once. It was, and I remembered this part vividly, 100 years of best love poems. It was a little thick. Hardbound. It was like gold in the eyes. I read it. Reread it. Even typed the ones I liked and made it a small website. It went down. Anyhoo, I rummaged in my oldest email address and was able to extract some quotes I saved a few years back. Get ready to hear your heart beat.

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

Now, this is a little contrary to the part where you always want to close your eyes and dream, day dream or force a reverie coz there, you can make believe. You can make a recurrent feeling and nostalgia happen. Either way, both are complete heaven.


"I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out."

Simply put, I love you cause you make me better in a lot of ways. Now, if you're gonna start with the whole "Dependency" shit, I suggest you zip it. I agree, you should not depend your sole happiness, dreams and self-contentment on another person. BUT, if that's how he/she makes you feel, my blessings. I'm no psychologist but if loving a person brings all those wonders out for you to take, dig in. If you will think of the ramifications and repercussions in doing it, then you are loss cause. If setting limits in loving someone because you are afraid of the negative outcome, please accept my future condelences. Whoever has heard of conditional love, please raise their hands! Didn't think so. Love is unconditional baby!

I do not love you as if you were the salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off. I love you as certain dark things are to be loved, in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers; thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance, risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so I love you because I know no other way than this: where I do not exist, nor you, so close that your hand on my chest is my hand, so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Now this was taken from Sonnet XVII of Pablo Neruda's 100 love sonnets. One of my most loved poets of all time. If the last one sounded familiar, it's because it was read by Robin Williams in Patch Adams. "Without complexities or pride". Ahh... Doesn't it sound so pure? So sacred? Why blemish it?


Lastly,

LOVE IS A DECISION.

Ogie, from this day forth, till the day I get married to the day that I leave this earth, I shall forever be grateful of this. I have kept it for years for I fell in-love with it since the first time i heard it. I shall spread it to everyone that I deem in need of it.



Stay In-love (adj.) and Love. (vrb.)

Crushes and innocence

I had to stop a friend of mine in the middle on her story to take note of something that tickled my brain. (Used notepad to do it of course)

Crushes. Crush. I found it interesting that dictionaries now have added the informal meaning of it. It states - "temporary infatuation". Oh, excuse me, "A usually temporary infatuation." Now, dictionaries have never been precise for me. Especially when using these informal terms. Nonetheless, you can do your own homework on this.

I think I can be the poster boy for teenage crushes. I mean, I was this frail, thin, geeky, curly haired, pimple-infested, neaty kid. Loosely translated: a loser. I had like crushes flying all over the place. I'm like Don Juan De Marco of hopeless romanticland. You make poems and then hide them. You make small doodles on the back of your notes and fear of someone seeing them. You try to stalk "tha gurl" but not get too close to her cause you know you'll faint. Every song on the radio makes you melt. And then when you get some earthly luck of getting close proximities with her, you get butterflies on your stomach and start speaking in tongues.

You groom yourself. Stop there. Cause it's not actually for her to notice. Cause if she does, you'll die. It's a twisted thing. You hate any guy that gets close to her. Specially the official ones.

You know she smells like fresh autumn breeze eventhough you haven't been close to her on a 50 meter radius. You tend to act differently when she's around, even if she's not looking. What's to look at? And finally, you convince your parents to buy you a bike so you can pedal by her house hoping she's outside but quickly pass when she is and crash on an "atis" tree. (It happened)

It was hard. But the great thing is, you get over it. You two become friends. You go to college. Become a writer. Meet her in the public market. Work professionally and have great friends. Have your own girlfriend. You're still friends with her. You and your girlfriend break up. You mourn. You swear off relationships. Go home. You see her. You get to talk and catch-up on old times...

Now, you're her boyfriend.

See how things work out?



Oh, by the way, they do smell like a fresh autumn breeze...

predictability

pre·dict ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pr-dkt) v. pre·dict·ed, pre·dict·ing, pre·dicts v. tr.
To state, tell about, or make known in advance, especially on the basis of special knowledge.

v. intr.
To foretell something; prophesy.

Hear that? Special knowledge. Meaning you had basis for making predictions. However, that's now my point for today. Predict-ability. Simply put, the quality of being predictable. We sometimes say that some things are predictable. Weather for one. And of course, people. For sure, we have all uttered the phrase "napaka-predictable nya".(He's/She's so predictable) Now, are we wrong to say such? When does predictions of people become bad? How about those you only keep to yourself? Those fly-by one-liners you can't keep from thinking to yourself become a crime?

Let me explain. You see folks... I just ate a croissant and completely lost my trail of thought. I'll get back at yah.

Where would you be (part two?)

[freetyping mode = ON]

Friendster. Who doesn't know friendster? Now that is one hell of an idea man.Like connect with long lost friends and stuff. See photos of what they look like now. Be up-to-date with their blogs.Hell, even know what song they want to share. Brilliance! But for me? It has its sucky days. Like today. Shove it on my ass will ya.

How nice it would be if you can just blink and all your negative past would be erased or forgotten? Retain the good ones.The happy ones."Your" ones. God! Look at me! LOOK AT ME! For the past months I thought I can withstand not being my old self but, tough luck.(cue the fireworks)

I know how you feel now brother. Miles apart and we still share emotional baggages. Everybody, just shut up for a freaking moment. How can one little detail affect a universe? I even thought of letting it out on a poem. Turns out, someone else has always been the poet. From the crowd I treated with such fraility and sensibility, I became an 2nd rate outcast. Give me a break man. Let me cover my face with my hands. Let me wash it with my own.

Does anyone need anything? Please let me get if for you. You'll be helping me. Parched? Let me get you a cup of water. Not? Let me get you one anyway.

A car? A great job? Cool gadgets? Endless night-outs? Went to another country as a tourist? Full friends list? A book of testimonials? A sensational wedding? Al hamdu lila.

Oh, yeah.Friendster... screw it.

[freetyping mode = OFF]

where would you be?

I'm a little hazy caused by no sleep so try to decipher what I want to impart.

After a breakup, there's like a world of shit you have to go through.But let me focus on one aspect.Try to go with the odds of long time relationships.Like you became a couple in college.(high school is so not likely) So, college. You have friends. She has friends. In the span of your relationship, there's two things that can happen - you got drifted from your friends because of too much attention to HER. Making her the center of your warped universe compromising bonds of brotherhood and male-closeness.The other thing is, your friends became her friends' friends too.Making it one big happy conglomerate of people.The latter sounds like a positive one, ain't it? Here's where the cookie crumbles - you break up. A: your friends are still on a hiatus with you. B: your friends stayed with her coz you're just ONE. O, N, E. Where would you be?

Got you thinking huh. See, you cannot persuade your friends to spend time with you like before because they are quasi-commited to their, even larger demographic. Why settle for less right?

You can try to make new friends. Using them to cover your disappointment and anxiety over the ordeal. Still would not be the same. The thought occurs that they would not all be friends if you did not became together with your "now" EX.

Just a word to wise. Cherish your friends.No compromise.

P.S. - I free-typed this one. No edits.